Homesick.
Day two of my semester abroad: I just made a countdown to when I can see my parents.
Day two of my semester abroad: I almost feel like I am ready to go home.
Day two of my semester abroad: maybe I'm just not cut out for this.
I have a few stories to tell you all. Let's begin.
Homesick story #1: I remember when I was eight years old and at camp for the first time ever, my homesickness hit me so hard that I sat under the waterslide and cried until my counselor came to get me. I couldn't sing the worship songs because I heard too much of my mom in them and I couldn't do activities because all I wanted to do was experience them with my dad.
Homesick story #2: about ten years later, when I worked at this camp as a counselor, I was away from home for a three month period but would visit home once every month. My visit home would be no longer than 24 hours and each visit felt more and more painful. At about week 8, I remember very vividly sitting on my bed during the weekend and crying to my friend because I just wanted to be home.
Homesick story #3: A year after camp, I found myself in Costa Rica. I was gone from home for a single month. My whole world had been flipped upside down and normal was no longer a familiar word. Surprisingly enough, homesickness would only hit when I couldn't get a hold of my family over FaceTime. The homesickness in Costa Rica was short lived and easily conquered given the short amount of time spent there and the familiarity with this feeling.
Homesick Story #4: Less than a year after Costa Rica, I find myself sitting in my new apartment in Pamplona, Spain and all I can think about is catching my flight home. It is currently 3:27 AM in Spain which means that it is around dinner time back home. My body the past two nights has unconsciously woken itself up around this time as if to say "what are you doing asleep, its the middle of the evening." Today, out of what felt like pure hatred for myself, I decided to mark in my planner the amount of time that I will spend here. As I kept flipping through the planner to find the end date, the pages grew thicker and the weight on my heart grew heavier. Five months is a long time. Five thousand miles is a long way from home.
Here is where I should clarify: I am not telling you these stories to make you feel bad for me. I am not telling you these stories to end the post with a "I'm coming home--see you next week!" I am telling you these stories because they actually are reassuring me that I am no stranger to home sickness. And *spoiler alert* I've lived through every rough, I-want-a-hug-from-my-mom night and I will continue to live through them as I battle this semester 5000 miles away from home. Something else that I find reassuring is that, looking back on those times I missed home, those are now the memories that I wouldn't trade for the world.
I read a blogpost by a pastor in Tennessee the night I got here. Surprisingly enough, it was about homesickness. He said that homesickness can either define you or it can "just be another thing." So as I am sitting here with a couple tears running down my face and typing about how it will all be okay, I can declare in this moment that my homesickness will not define my actions here in the beautiful country of Spain, rather it will simply just be another thing. I can look for hope and joy in the God who brought me here and the work He is doing. The Lord is using this semester to shape my heart and make me new. With each morning there are new mercies and I guess the travel edition could be "with each city there are new mercies." The Lord is continuously doing a great thing and though my heart is heavy now, these are the moments I will look back on and rejoice in--the moments I will wish I could live again.
So my prayer tonight is for you but also for me. This earth is not our home. We are so quick to become homesick for a place that is temporary and finite. And that's okay. Our emotions are valid and worth our time. I pray that we, as confidants and followers, can rejoice in the place that the Lord has us now and the things He is doing. For He has started a great work in us and will bring it out to completion.
Amen,
Sydney.
Day two of my semester abroad: I almost feel like I am ready to go home.
Day two of my semester abroad: maybe I'm just not cut out for this.
I have a few stories to tell you all. Let's begin.
Homesick story #1: I remember when I was eight years old and at camp for the first time ever, my homesickness hit me so hard that I sat under the waterslide and cried until my counselor came to get me. I couldn't sing the worship songs because I heard too much of my mom in them and I couldn't do activities because all I wanted to do was experience them with my dad.
Homesick story #2: about ten years later, when I worked at this camp as a counselor, I was away from home for a three month period but would visit home once every month. My visit home would be no longer than 24 hours and each visit felt more and more painful. At about week 8, I remember very vividly sitting on my bed during the weekend and crying to my friend because I just wanted to be home.
Homesick story #3: A year after camp, I found myself in Costa Rica. I was gone from home for a single month. My whole world had been flipped upside down and normal was no longer a familiar word. Surprisingly enough, homesickness would only hit when I couldn't get a hold of my family over FaceTime. The homesickness in Costa Rica was short lived and easily conquered given the short amount of time spent there and the familiarity with this feeling.
Homesick Story #4: Less than a year after Costa Rica, I find myself sitting in my new apartment in Pamplona, Spain and all I can think about is catching my flight home. It is currently 3:27 AM in Spain which means that it is around dinner time back home. My body the past two nights has unconsciously woken itself up around this time as if to say "what are you doing asleep, its the middle of the evening." Today, out of what felt like pure hatred for myself, I decided to mark in my planner the amount of time that I will spend here. As I kept flipping through the planner to find the end date, the pages grew thicker and the weight on my heart grew heavier. Five months is a long time. Five thousand miles is a long way from home.
Here is where I should clarify: I am not telling you these stories to make you feel bad for me. I am not telling you these stories to end the post with a "I'm coming home--see you next week!" I am telling you these stories because they actually are reassuring me that I am no stranger to home sickness. And *spoiler alert* I've lived through every rough, I-want-a-hug-from-my-mom night and I will continue to live through them as I battle this semester 5000 miles away from home. Something else that I find reassuring is that, looking back on those times I missed home, those are now the memories that I wouldn't trade for the world.
I read a blogpost by a pastor in Tennessee the night I got here. Surprisingly enough, it was about homesickness. He said that homesickness can either define you or it can "just be another thing." So as I am sitting here with a couple tears running down my face and typing about how it will all be okay, I can declare in this moment that my homesickness will not define my actions here in the beautiful country of Spain, rather it will simply just be another thing. I can look for hope and joy in the God who brought me here and the work He is doing. The Lord is using this semester to shape my heart and make me new. With each morning there are new mercies and I guess the travel edition could be "with each city there are new mercies." The Lord is continuously doing a great thing and though my heart is heavy now, these are the moments I will look back on and rejoice in--the moments I will wish I could live again.
So my prayer tonight is for you but also for me. This earth is not our home. We are so quick to become homesick for a place that is temporary and finite. And that's okay. Our emotions are valid and worth our time. I pray that we, as confidants and followers, can rejoice in the place that the Lord has us now and the things He is doing. For He has started a great work in us and will bring it out to completion.
Amen,
Sydney.
When I initially read the words that homesickness can define you or just be another thing, I honestly expected the remainder of your words to go in a direction opposite where you led. I definitely appreciate where your heart traveled. Though I initially thought homesickness defining you as a positive thing... Because it seemed an expression of your love for your family, as well as the journey of how you have grown and matured while following God's will for you. Praying for you Sydney, while trusting that God will continue to stretch you as He walks with you. ~Mama Paul 💛😊💛
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